This may come as a surprise to some of you, but strippers have to fill out job applications. It's not too involved; they just want a real name and phone number on file, and to see your ID and SS card. It doesn't pose a big challenge.

Except we all wound up in the office laughing at one today. This perfectly attractive blonde filled one out and left it with the doorguy while she went inside with her boyfriend to check out the club. The manager comes up, looks at it, looks up at us, and says, "Is this a joke?" We look down and see just the most gigantic chicken scratch covering the entire sheet. He points at the bottom, where it asks "Have you ever been arrested?" She's checked yes. On the line where you're supposed to explain yourself, she's written "I WAS HOGTIED." Arrested for that? Or did she resist with such force that the officer literally hogtied her? Or was she taking revenge on someone who'd hogtied her?

Under "Reason for leaving" for her last job, she wrote, "He sucked ass!"

Where it asked "Where did you hear about XTC?" she wrote, "My ears"

In case of emergency contact "Your mom."

It was hilarious.

By the way, her previous place of employment was the Yellow Rose. I can't imagine why they would have this gem get away.

She asked me to come dance for her later in the afternoon but somehow I never made it over to her table . . . I was, however, dancing for another customer, and there was a waitress cleaning the stage (they have to do this once or twice a shift; there's oil from the fog machine that can slick up the stage). Her guy says, "Yeah they have to clean that pole! There's snail trails all over the place." My customer said, "They're a classy pair."

Hee hee hee.

I was also treated to hearing the manager go off about the dayshift dancers who don't tip him--whilst making money dirty. It's really stupid not to tip your manager if you want to get away with something, since eventually he will make it hard for you to get away with anything and you're left trying to make money clean, which you haven't learned to do . . . anyhow, it was wildly entertaining to hear him go off on one of the dancers. Now, I don't bear any ill will towards a dancer who's willing to work harder for her money than I am; I just don't like it when it endangers my ability to make money the way I like to. I also think it's profoundly stupid not to take care of the employees who can make things supremely hard on you should they choose to do so.

Other than all that, it was pretty quiet this afternoon, though I was happy to see a couple of familiar faces stop by. I think back-to-school really quieted things down for the club this week.