The movers won’t be bringing our furniture until the 5th, but we’ll be in the apartment, um, well, now. I return late on the 30th and look forward to six days in an apartment empty of all but the basic necessities: a broadband connection and a futon mattress. Somehow a television will be procured for bowl game watching, though, since I sadly, sadly, sadly won’t be making it to the Rose Bowl in person (if you want to take me I won’t have sex with you but I will give you a lapdance during halftime and will expose myself after the game to reveal Texas Longhorn logo pasties), I am considering attending the, um, joint Texas Exes—USC Alumni game watch at our local theatre. After which I will expose myself to reveal Texas Longhorn logo pasties.

I had a lovely few days with the family and a pleasant Christmas, thank you, and I hope you all enjoyed the holiday.

In fact, I worked on Christmas night, forgetting that it was also a Sunday and therefore $10 dance night, so not as lucrative as it would have been, because the club was completely packed. It was really, really funny, and I was sad that my Santa outfit and inappropriate Christmas music was all packed away. Here’s my stripper Christmas playlist:

“Five Pound Box of Money,” Pearl Bailey
“Santa Baby,” Eartha Kitt (well, duh)
“Don’t Believe in Christmas” The Sonics
“Merry Fucking Christmas,” Mr. Garrison, South Park
“Father Christmas” The Kinks
“Shouldn’t Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas” Wall of Voodoo
“Santa Claus is a Black Man” Akim & the Teddy Vann Production Company
“Christmas Time in Hell” South Park

because it’s so goofy, and there are so few girls usually that you can get away with anything.

But my best night of the week was Thursday, when I met possibly my single most favorite one-time customer ever, a truly hilarious and generous fellow who I spent the entire night with. This guy is himself an entertainer and as such spent the night entertaining me I think more than I entertained him. Except he kept his clothes on. It was probably my single best night of the year in terms of money, fun, and novelty. Thanks, Limbaugh!

I’ll be working on New Year’s Day as well, though that will be in Portland rather than Austin (are you keeping up? I am in Texas today, tomorrow I will fly back up to Oregon). And I bet it rains. Which it hasn’t down here in so long that there’s a ban on fireworks for New Year’s. This hasn’t translated into actually banning the sale of fireworks, though, as I’ve passed a half-dozen stands each time I’ve left the city limits. How they expect that all to pan out can’t be grounded in reality.