"There's a fine line between entertaining and gross" was the response I got after telling these two stories from work tonight:

First, two girls asked me to dance for them while their boyfriends watched. As I was wiggling around the two of them, I said (in jest, mind you), "It would be totally hot if you two started making out with each other while I was dancing for you." Let me mention that these were two attractive women in their twenties. Who decided my suggestion was a great idea and immediately started kissing each other. Go me! One said "I can see their boners from over here."

Secondly, a fortyish woman asked me to dance for her and her date, a guy in his sixties. As we are walking back to the dance area she whispers in my ear, "This is my john -- he's paying my rent tonight so he'll take good care of you." Uh, what? That's right, he's her john . . . or else they were a married couple acting out a fantasy hardcore. Watching her rub his dick through his pants was not nearly as much fun as watching the two hot girls kiss, plus I had to state the obvious and tell her to cut it out (and oh, by the way, put your titty back in your tank top).

A fine line indeed.

Oh, and the older couple asked me to dance for them while I was on stage, and after I got off and took them to the dance area (after having them leave a tip for the upcoming dancer) the next dancer threw a hissy fit about me stealing customers off the rack. This harridan was still talking about it after closing, bitching and talking shit in the dressing room even after I walked over, explained the situation, and "apologized." Stageside etiquette in Portland is generally: Don't talk to customers at the rack during a dancer's set and especially don't take them off then. If you're taking them for a dance immediately after your set it's considered polite to leave a tip for the next dancer. I could give a shit if girls talk to guys at the rack or not, honestly, but when in Rome strip as the Romans do.

And the shocker is apparently this ranting bitch was trying to get her coke dealer up in the club and managed to annoy the club staff to the point of them making faces as she passed by . . . so I'm guessing she won't be around all that long. Pbbbt.

I had one especially fun customer at the beginning of the night who was just a total pleasure and a sweet stage tipper to boot; fun to talk to and a doll. So of course there's not too much to say about him besides "Thanks!" And I may have met my mechanic! That in itself is thrilling; more so if he agrees to barter with me. Lapdances for tuneups, you bet.

I also gave out my prize for #1 most obscure band mentioned to me by a customer -- we were talking about music, I mentioned the Dead C, he asked me if I'd heard of Merzbow -- not once ever have I had a customer mention an extreme Japanese noise act to me ever. That was fucking cool, and Tim, you win the prize. I do not think that you will be beaten unless I meet a Jandek fan at work someday.

If that happened I think my brain would hurt a lot. Though it would hurt far less if it happened at Mary's. If I'm gonna have a conversation about Jandek in a strip club, that's gonna be where it happens.