I didn't work much this week. I went in for a little while on Friday, and I tried the Palazio on Thursday. It is indeed a very nice club inside. I intend to return soon, possibly today. We'll see how I'm feeling. The whole time I was there, I kept having to remind myself to keep my panties on. Ah, the things you have to think about in this line of work.

More entertaining email

i am going to be in austin on thursday the 18th march for some work. i have to sign some papers and will be free in one hour. i will have 5 hrs until my return flight and will like to use them with a sex gal. i have not reserved a room yet, if u want me to reserve the room go ahead. try to email me the price and i want full hot sex, anything possible. blow job or even anal.

While I sometimes think of myself as a "sex gal," I don't think that's quite what he's looking for.

I have one question for you. You mentioned on your web page about a raffle
to "help" shower you off after each performance. Define help. Is that to
help wash you off, or is it merely a chance to watch you clean up? Is the
person in the shower with you? Do you have any stories of the showering
going a little further than planned? Do you/Have you ever help(ed) the
lucky winner clean off too? Is it possible to grant the lucky shower to the
person who books your services instead of having a raffle?

One in a series of messages full of pestering, detailed questions.

And the first poetry I've received:


A DREAM OF SUSAN

She danced as in a fevered dream,
Her throat festooned with strands of pearls,
She was the prettiest of girls,
She danced beside a silver stream.

The moon was high and in the vast,
Vast darkness of the galaxy
She wove her certain, timeless sorcery,
So like a sorceress from out the past!

You swirled as though a lethal storm
Had blasted from the dark night skies,
Ah, magic in your sea green eyes,
Lit up the world until the morn!

A chatelaine about your hips
Was forged from ingots of pure gold,
Your fallen gown, silk fold on fold,
Was near as red as your red lips!

Ah, Susan, let me taste your kiss,
And let me know your endless charms,
Ah, let me hold you in my arms,
My precious, lethal sorceress!

Ah, so the updates of my activities last week are finally here. I'll have to show you some photos of my night as a sushi platter alongside the Yuppie Pricks. They performed on Wednesday, which used to be the crappy night to perform at SXSW, but now that it's so crowded and huge, there are a ton of showcases and plenty of attendees on the first night of the fest.

Here's me being prepared.

And here's Ty on the table over me.
Photos by Antastik

I arrived at Pyramids at 8, ready to glue on my pasties, pull on my thong and lie down on a table to be covered with bits of tuna roll. Before doing so, as I was smoking a cigarette with the chef, I asked Ty (the lead Prick), "Hey, will I be up there for your whole set?"
"Yes."
"Oh, ok," I said, and went to the bathroom one last time. We were preparing in the main downstairs room through which everyone had to pass to reach the outdoor stage. Here are several things I did not think about before taking this gig:

1. I would be lying down in a fixed position for 45 minutes.
2. Therefore, no peeing for 45 minutes.
3. Wasabi can burn the skin (apparently something the chef didn't know either. I am amazed at our stupidity).
4. There are bugs outside. Bugs that are attracted to food.
5. It can get cold lying on a table outside at night without clothes on.
6. Ty is a spastic frontman who is given to big, scary, flying leaps from the stage. Over me. Barely.

However, it was still an interesting experiment. One I'm not eager to repeat unless the price is right. It was a strangly erotic experience to lay there, helpless, with people plucking bits of food from my body, and to have a rock singer leap up and straddle me.

After all of this, I had to get dressed and go see the Dears, who Jason had raved about, at Buffalo Billiards. I was covered in crusty bits of sushi rice and had screaming red spots on my stomach where the wasabi had been.

And the madness continues. I've seen a dozen bands, I'll see a dozen more.

I want to have sex with British Sea Power. They really did it for me last night, as did Comets On Fire. Who knew I missed sludgey rock bands so much? In a few minutes I'll be enjoying Ted Leo, to whom I frequently get naked at work, though I don't know if he'd appreciate that much.

Yesterday was the Yuppie Pricks' pool party, at which my sister and I were the only two contestants in a bikini contest. More on that later.

Oh, my, what an eventful few days we've had here in kittyland. Tuesday night was the burlesque show at Elysium, where I did my amateurish numbers alongside some true burlesque luminaries. They were wonderful, and I managed not to fall down.

Jim Jarmusch saw me strip! He was in town for the film festival and someone brought him over for the screening of the Velvet Hammer documentary and he stuck around for the performances. To my knowledge, he is the coolest famous person to ever see me half-naked.

The films were pretty entertaining, though I did get pretty tired of the stripper-bashing in the Hammer doc. Talk of "cheesy lapdances" and how they let a few select strippers in their troupe from the "pre lapdance era" got my hackles up. They're spouting the same shit that professional dancers did about burlesque performers back in the day. It was like listening to strippers talk about hookers. One of the lovely performers (who is also a big-time burlesque promoter, and responsible in large part for the revival) dances in a club on Bourbon Street and felt the same way. I think that more strippers should be involved in burlesque. I'm telling you all right now that I am going to start doing a burlesque set every night that I work, using music you won't hear in any other titty bar and wearing fabulous costumes on stage. I'm bringing it back to the source! Watch this space for details.

The performances were pretty damn great; the gals were highly polished and made me have a strong desire to take dance classes, which I intend to begin this week.

I worked on Wednesday and Thursday, a difficult task considering my late nights so far. They were pretty unremarkable day shifts, not bad, not great. I had a lovely night on Monday, with a really funny customer. Usually i'm exhausted after the $5 dances and just split, but a couple of guys asked for dances in VIP right after they were over, and I was happy to oblige. After the dances, I sat down to count my money and rest. I stood up after a few minutes and saw a customer just sitting down. I must have surprised him by emerging from the darkness in my sequined glory. He invited me to sit down, and we did a couple of dances. Now, there's a big screen TV in VIP, and for some inexplicable reason it's always tuned to Fox News. I said, "I think it's really funny that we have Fox News on in a strip club," and this guy spits, "I HATE Fox News!" I was thinking that this would work out just fine when he goes one further. "I look like a Republican," and he did, "but I think that George Bush is evil. I think his daddy is evil too. Hell, half of his family should be in jail." I was so pleased. Here was someone I could easily sit and talk with for the rest of the night. He was so impressed that I knew the Bush family tree and their indiscretions that he bought a bunch more dances (maybe my naked self had something to do with it too, come to think of it) and also bought me a dance from Fawn. Oh, how I love it when customers buy me dances. It's a really great tip.

Oh, thank god for my new comfy shoes. They enabled me to work a full eight hours instead of the five I average on a Sunday, and let me make much more money. Hooray for the mere five-and-a-half inch heels! I showed my comfortable shoes to Jennifer (who's a librarian) yesterday. She had on her comfortable work shoes, which are a pair of Reeboks. Ah, what different worlds we live in. Actually, I prefer being barefoot or wearing a pair of kneesocks to any shoes at all, but there just isn't any way to strip like that unless you're at a private party. I do remember fondly the old days of the Show Palace, where, for the first couple of years it was open, table dances were done on little pedestals. We were allowed to take off our shoes when we hopped up on these to dance. Ahh, what luxury, to actually be completely nude in the nude club.

Speaking of the SP, I stopped by the new club, the Palazio, to check it out - I will post here when I plan to go and check it out, for those of you who want to see me only half-naked.

A very petite, very butch lesbian tipped me on stage and told me I was the hottest girl she'd seen in the club. She said, "My chick's a dancer in San Antonio and we just came up here to check it out." Sadly, I didn't have the time tonight to hang out with them. I didn't really have the time to hang out with anyone, as I stayed pretty solidly busy for most of the night. And even with my lovely new shoes, my ass is worn out right now. I don't know how I'll drag myself in tomorrow night, but drag I must, since SXSW will keep me out of work for the rest of the week. I might be able to squeeze in a day shift a couple of times, but as the arm candy for a socially in-demand writer, I will have many obligations.

I've somehow neglected to mention that I'll be performing a couple of times with the Yuppie Pricks during South by Southwest, during their showcase on Wednesday and at a party on Friday. I believe that all of the info can be found on their website. There will be a coed bikini contest at the party Saturday, so bring your fabulous selves out to compete!

Okay, all, you've got another chance to see me keep it on. I'll be doing a couple of burlesque numbers at Elysium this Tuesday as part of the Broad Daylight screening. Here's the info:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guerrilla Monster Films
and & It's A Chick present:
SOUTH BY BURLESQUE!
A Double D Double Feature!

Tuesday, March 16th
The Elysium
705 Red River
Austin, TX
doors at 7:00pm
admission $8
ladies $6

SIZZLING SCREENINGS OF:

THE VELVET HAMMER BURLESQUE!
directed by Augusta: an in-depth documentary revealing the decadent and glamourous lifestyles of L.A.'s internationally acclaimed burlesque sensations, The Velvet Hammer

BROAD DAYLIGHT!
directed by John Michael McCarthy and Victoria Renard: 60 minutes of color super 8 stag loops set to the sounds of the most pervasive in today's lo-fi garage and punk

PERFORMANCES BY THE TOP BURLESQUE NAMES IN THE NATION:

-Kitten De Ville (Los Angeles)

-Princess Farhana (Los Angeles)

-Penny Starr Jr. (Los Angeles)

-Candy Whiplash: The Texas Tease

-Kitten La Rue & Fanny N. Flames of The Atomic Bombshells (Seattle, WA) formerly of New Orleans Shim Sham Revue

-La Petite Fleur of The Shim Sham Revue (New Orleans)

-Bunny & Dolores (New Orleans)

-Vivienne VaVoom (Denver, CO)

-Susan Wayward, Guerrilla Monster starlet

LIVE BUMP & GRIND MUSIC BY
-The Walter Daniels band (Austin, TX)

SPECIAL MUSICAL GUESTS:
-Viva L'American Deathray (Memphis, TN)

MUST BE 21, HAVE GOOD TASTE IN MUSIC, MOVIES, & BURLESQUE!
(all acts subject to change)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
If you come out, be sure to say hi.

I was in a foul mood for most of the week. Didn't want to work, didn't want to go to class, didn't want to grocery shop or do much of anything. I did manage to drag myself in on Friday, but I only lasted until around 4 p.m., so now I've put myself in the position of needing to work about 10 hours today to make my weekly goal. 10 hours of $10 dances today—it's a good thing I bought a pair of "comfortable" shoes at Le Rouge yesterday. In StripperWorld, a comfortable pair of shoes are these. I've needed a pair with a wider front strap, since as a shift goes on, my feet slide forward in the shoes and my toes begin to get squished by the strap. I also treated myself to a new black breakaway thong. I really like this shop. It's run by Dreamers, the people who made shopping for porn fun in Austin. They give dancers a 15% discount, which is cool, and they have great hours, open until 12 a.m. on the weeknights and 1 a.m. on the weekends. The shoe selection's good, though they need to work on the dancewear a bit. They carry better lingerie than stripperwear there.

Thursday it rained and rained and the club was full all day long. My day started off well, I was sitting with a customer who kept buying dances, when another customer I hadn't seen in a while, Mr. S, came in. I knew he was coming in to see me, so I felt the need to get over there as soon as I could. Of course, I was immediately called to stage, and when I got off I had several dances to do. I finally made my way over to him, feeling a little guilty. We had a dance, when I see a familiar face—a guy from my Show Palace days who I haven't seen in a year. He always spent good money on me and was an absolute pleasure to hang out with, and I knew he'd want to see me. So I excuse myself, explaining that I might be tied up for a while, and head over to Mr. C. I am tied up for a while; we have fun and talk about booking a private show while he's in town. He seemed very happy to see me. We had a really great private show last winter, and he said he'd lost all my contact info. I really hope he gets in touch; I would really love to do another private for him.

Amazingly, through all of this, Mr. S sticks around, so I'm able to spend some quality time catching up with him until the end of the day. He also bought me some dances from Becky and Jewel, which were pretty damn fun. I came home horny that night.

I figured that as great as Thursday was, Friday would be even better, but I couldn't have been more mistaken. That morning I had to get up early to turn in a late paper and run some errands down on campus. My class ring has been ordered! It will sit on my right hand at work, where I will show it off as my badge of the Smart Stripper. I can't wait. As long as it's taken me to finish school, I want that damn big ugly ring.

Iron Chef is on right now. The other night, Jason said, "They ought to have Queer Eye for the Iron Chef."

Anyhow, after I finished all of my errands I had to come home and have a nap before I went in. I shouldn't have bothered; there were already over 20 girls working and not even that many customers in the club. It was a lovely, sunny day and I suppose everyone was either enjoying it or working to make up for the rest of the week.

That doesn't bother me, I guess I had my gravy shift on Thursday instead of Friday this week. I just did a party with Becky tonight, and I have another in a couple of hours. It was really fun with Becky. This was the first time we've done a party together and she said she was nervous, but she did very well. The bachelor freaked out a little and didn't want to be as involved as he usually is at my parties, so we had a bachelor-by-proxy step in, one of the other guests, to take his place for the humiliation portion of the evening. He did admirably well, pretending to resist, barking and growling when we put the collar on him, and telling us how bad he was when we spanked him. Perv.

Entertaining email of the week:

HI GIRL,I AM A PHOTOGRAPHER HERE IN AUSSTIN AND WOULD LIKE TO DO SOME HI QUALITY DIGITAL FOTOS FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRLS FOR YOU WEB SITE...IF INTERESTED PLEASE CONTACT ME AT 5**-****....J**

My favorite part of this email is that he spelled "photographer" correctly.

This past week has just sucked for me—I've still been getting over being sick, I've had a ton of crap to do, and I haven't worked enough. I had a really poor attitude on Friday and Sunday both; finally snapped out of it on Sunday afternoon when I ran into a customer I hadn't seen in a while and had a terrific time hanging out with him.

But check this out—I was actually rude to a customer on Friday. I'm usually pretty nice, even when guys try shit with me, but this guy really pissed me off. First, when I talked to him before asking for a dance, he was kind of a dick. He said, "I'm out of money," and when I said, "Well, enjoy the show and have a great night," he replied, "That's it?" Yeah, that's it. You're not so charming and wonderful that I would sit here and talk to you for fun. Then, he comes to tip me on stage. immediately before him, a young woman tipped me, so I was having a little fun dancing for her, playing around. It's fun for me and the guys like to see it. I move over to Mr. D and dance for him, and when I pull out my garter for my tip, he again says, "That's it?" If you ever want to piss off a dancer, say something like that to her. Not exactly what a hard-working naked or half-naked woman likes to hear.

I got off stage and was headed to second stage. I had to walk past his table and I was pissed. I walked up to him and said, "Hey, asshole! Not enough for you? Keep your dollar," and threw it down on his table. He later came up to the side stage, and I said, "You annoy me. Go sit down." It felt really good. I almost never tear into guys like that, but he deserved it. You have to watch it if you're going to be an asshole in a strip club. To be fair, if you're an asshole and you're spending money freely, you might get a longer pass.

So it was really nice to spend some time with an interesting, pleasant guy yesterday, a change from the rest of the week. He also said he'd like to take me to another club sometime, an offer I fully intend to take him up on. I haven't been out to another club in quite some time and I'd love to go out and see some fresh boobies.