Yeah, that's me skipping out of work tonight; the straight job has me too tired to go in tonight. Hopefully I'll pull my act together by tomorrow night to make that little bit of extra money to spend in NYC. I do, after all, need to eat steak at the Penthouse Executive Club.

Well, my friend Steve's nuptials approach, making his bachelor party an imminent event. I am working with a couple of friends to plan a nice little bash for him, so again, I ask, anyone know any midget strippers?

What a craptastic couple of days at the club. Sunday and Monday were both just ridiculous nights at work. Everyone was working my nerves (and it isn't even that time of the month). I'm so glad that I dragged myself in on Saturday, when it was pretty decent. It was really a miracle that I came in on Saturday night, considering the full day I'd already had by 8 p.m. I'd been to work, then to a barbecue, and then talked myself into the club.

The $5 dance nights are a bad idea. They've driven out the regular Monday crowd, which, while it was sparse, was usually a good crowd. They make us less money, unlike $10 Sundays, which can make us more. I wouldn't work them at all if Monday wasn't one of the required nights to work the weekend. You have a choice: work a Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday in order to work the more lucrative Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. I don't like Wednesdays either because of oil wrestling. So that leaves Thursdays for me, which are usually pretty decent. But this week I don't have that option.

There was one guy who was a real piece of work last night. This is basically how our conversation went: "Hi, how are you tonight?" "Why?" Why? Because I'm trying to be friendly instead of walking up and saying, "Wanna dance?" Sheesh.

Anyhow, I have the rest of the week to rest up and prepare for the weekend. Then a little trip out of town to relax and have fun before summer school starts next Thursday. I can't believe I'm almost finished. Just two more semesters and I can fulfill that fantasy of walking out on stage in my graduation gown.

Here's another great stage name for you: Bourbon. She's a little curly-haired brunette. I wonder if she really likes Makers Mark, if she's from New Orleans, if she had a dog named that when she was little. Also, when will Whiskey, Vodka, and Gin be taking the stage? I believe I heard this girl, or maybe her friend, in the dressing room last night saying, "I had to come into work tonight. We ran out of ramen in the hotel room."

I got an email from a reader asking why I hadn't commented on Perry's idea to tax strip clubs. For those of you outside Texas, here's the brief story. Governor Perry came up with a plan to tax strip club admissions at the rate of $5 a pop, then using the funds collected for education. Then State Comptroller Carole Strayhorn fired back that she though the clubs should be put out of business by forbidding alcohol sales in them. Well, I did my writing about this in another place. But here's my opinion: I think it's a ridiculous idea. One, strip clubs already support education. My education has certainly been financially supported in part by strip clubs. Two, the cost will fall directly on the dancers. I find it hard to believe that they'll pass on the entire cost of the door tax to the patrons, for fear of hurting business. I can forsee a drastic hike in house fees to compensate for the cost to the clubs. Everybody's got their hand out when you're a stripper. We pay to work, we pay the DJ, the managers, the bartender, the valet, and the doorguy. Now the state wants our money. And wouldn't this make the state a pimp? Here's an idea: Raise the punitive fines on corporations that violate environmental regulations, make those restrictions tighter, enforce the fines, and use that money for the schools.

Thanks for staying with us. Now back to stripper talk.

I find that having this part-time job makes me a more motivated stripper at work. Have I mentioned that? I feel more like I'm at work, and stay busier. It's great, I have hit my goals every night I've worked this week. And last night I did it in just about four hours, which was great. I had to drag myself in, since I'd had a full day already, but it was worthwhile. I'll be able to buy that serger I've been eyeing. One of my customers last night won a shitload of money on the fight and was very generous. He was very complimentary of my smile and told me I didn't even need to get naked. All I needed to do was smile at him. Of course, when I got naked he said, "That's nice, too."

I had the best customers yesterday. One guy bought ten dances in a row, another bought three sets of seven, another four in a row and tipped for two more. It was a very busy Sunday for me. And I think that ten in a row is the most I've ever done for one guy without a break. After them, he said, "That was nice," and I replied "I figured if you didn't like them, you wouldn't have had ten."

After being in a straight job—that's right, I'm working part-time right now in a business related to one of my hobbies—I find I have more appreciation for looking at naked pretty girls. I really missed looking at Kylie, Samantha, Jewel, and Chevon. Those are some of the hotties I work with. Granted, XTC has its share of naked women who should probably stay clothed, but there are some real gems in the club.

Part of the reason I'm paying more attention to the strippers I work with is that my friend Steve's bachelor party is coming up and I want to hire a really good girl to come dance for us. I think we'll have dinner somewhere nice, then get a hotel room and hang out all night, telling embarassing stories about his old girlfriends and such. Any suggestions? I only see the entertainment side of the party.

One of the guys I danced for yesterday had a Tom Cruise smile. The whole time I was dancing for him, I just saw those bright, white teeth and kept thinking of Magnolia, the one film in which I found him attractive. Go figure.

Has anyone gone to Gatsby's yet? This is the club on Sixth Street that has dancers in pasties and full bottoms. How's that going to work out for them? I think it would be fun if they went the cabaret route. I'm going to check it out sometime this week and see what it's like down there. I'll take my pasties and spirit gum, just in case.

The weather was nice last night, something I was glad of when we wound up dancing outside at the party we did. After the whipped cream wrestling, something I added to the routine since we had a two-hour show, we showered and were ready for dances, but all of the guys had moved from the living room to the backyard. We decided to go to them and start dancing. I have an injury from the wrestling, a couple of scratches that Divine left on my back.

I was very impressed with this party; they had organized it very well. It was pretty big, there were probably about 30 guys there. And they tipped well. I'm also happy to have Divine working with me. I hope she wants to do more parties in the future. I need a solid partner.

Does anyone know where I should go to get a car stereo? I need a place that's cheap and good, since my car's not fancy enough for a really expensive system, but I don't want a crappy installation like I got the last time I bought her a stereo, in 1997.

My Spanish isn't that great, though it's usually enough for work. I can introduce myself, ask for a dance, and make chitchat. But it must be better than I think, because yesterday several Mexican customers asked me if I was Spanish. "Eres España?" "No, soy Tejana." But thanks! That's awesome, that I sound and look like I could be an exotic Spanish girl.

First day back in three weeks was really good; can't beat those ten dollar dance Sundays. I was in at 2, out by 7 and had made more than my goal. It was also nice to look at the naked ladies again; I've kind of missed that.

The bartender at work is preggers. Reminds me of the extremely pregnant waitress that we had at Mary's Club in Portland. I have to wonder what the guys think of having an obviously pregnant server, if it freaks them out in the strip club at all.

Whew, that party Friday was far away, over an hour outside of town. When I originally booked the party, I told the guy that I'd add a travel fee unless he wanted to book me for two hours, in which case I'd waive it. So he decided to hire me for two hours and pay me $600. Then I had a conflict come up, and I wasn't going to be able to make it at the scheduled time. I tried to find a replacement, was unsuccessful, and told him since I was going to be two hours late, I'd cut my fee by $200. I felt it was only fair to offer, since I was having to change plans on him two days before the party.

But when we got there, he still paid me the full fee. There were only six guys, not the dozen he thought they'd have, and he said he was afraid the tips wouldn't be very good, so he wanted to go ahead and pay me the full fee. Very nice.

The house the party was in must have been someone's grandmother's. He told me that no one lived there anymore, and apologized for the state of the bathroom and the house in general, so I told him that I was used to bachelor pads and wouldn't mind. The house was hilarious, carpeted with that sculptured '70s shag, and there was a stack of eight-tracks on top of the mantel. It clearly had been uninhabited for many years. The christmas tree was even still up. Though from which year is anyone's guess.

It took them about 15 minutes to get the bachelor inside. He was smashed. I swear he nodded off five times during the party. And I didn't want to do any of the usual bachelor humiliation stuff to him since I was worried he might react badly or throw up. So the other guys took up the slack, notably the host and a young Aggie. I was worried about what I'd do to fill two hours, but it went by really quickly and I had plenty to do.

I'm heading into XTC this afternoon for the first time in three weeks! I can't believe it's been so long since I've been in the club. It's been a busy month for me.

I've been out of town for almost a week now, and haven't set foot in a club since the 18th of April. It's a busy life, being an occasionally depressed stripper, and sometimes my days are filled with the need to prostrate myself on the big chaise and stare at the walls for hours at a time. But my big visit out of town was well worth it. There are momentous happenings in Susan-land that I hope to share with you all soon.

I did get myself into some short-term, part-time clothed work; I doubt that this will provide me with many scintillating tales. It will, however, put me in close proximity to the materials I require to make my own lingerie.

I guess I'll drag myself in on Mother's Day, then rush down to Central Market to buy Mom some flowers before dinner. I'll spend the whole day asking customers what they did for moms. Their answer? "I bought a lapdance from that mom, and that one, and her... ." No, I won't, really, but it's funny for me to imagine being in the club on Mother's Day. Hey, Easter was good, so you just never know.