Countdown to Burlesque the Vote: four days! I'll be on KLBJ-FM (93.7) at 7:30 am Thursday morning with a couple of other gals from the show to do some promotion. Can't believe I have to be up and provocatively dressed at such an hour.

I cannot believe how long it's been since I've been to work; according to Quicken, since Labor Day. I have been either too busy or too sick to head in, and I don't think that's going to change until next week. I was thinking I might go in on Thursday night, but if I'm up that early, then spending the whole day at the office, I'm not sure that'll happen either.

So anyone who wants to see me strip had better come to the show.

I've been reading this massive Kinsey biography--I felt like reading a bio before reading the new Boyle. It's a hoot, very interesting so far. I cracked up when I read this gem, from a letter one of Kinsey's associates wrote him in response to Kinsey's description of a strip show:

I personally think that the correct [way] to run a Burlesque would be to have two side rooms for the patrons; one labeled: "For men who are on the verge of exploding." In this room should be large quantities of damsels who would aid said gentlemen by contact wiggling! The other room should bear the rather ignoble sign: "For gentlemen who have exploded." In this room should be nothing but a shower, and several pairs of underwear and trousers! Alas, I fear me that I would never have use for the first named room!

Finally went back to work last night; it's been ages, between my busy schedule and the virus I can't seem to shake. But I had a couple of parties booked last night, so I didn't have the choice of blowing off work yet again. Still not feeling 100%, I headed out to the first one, down at one of my favorite hotels. The host was a hottie; I was taken aback when he came down to get us. My taste in men is more towards your Yankees or your Europeans, so I don't find a lot of the guys I encounter in my line of work really attractive, but this one was very attractive. It put me in a better mood immediately.

The CD player they had kept skipping on my CD (which was fine; I used it at the next party without incident) and a couple of theirs, so one of them joked about putting on NPR. "You can dance to that, right?" "Oh, sure. I can take it off to Terry Gross." Actually, what would have been on KUT at that time of night probably would have been fine. But they had some cool music, some Parliament and Stevie Wonder, so I was happy.

I would have liked to stay at this party for a while longer, but I was running late to the second one, so we booked out of there--only to get trapped in the damn traffic due to greater-than-usual street closures in downtown. Thank god the next party wasn't out in Cedar Park or anything. But I felt bad for keeping them (and Divine, who was working with me) waiting. This was the complete opposite of the terrific hotel suite; it was a total bachelor pad, and when Divine and I were dancing for the bachelor and doing floorwork, we kept having to brush debris off ourselves. I need to start recommending vacuuming before the strippers arrive.

Some of the guests at this party had been at previous parties I'd done before. One of them was a former bachelor I'd danced for, and at one point his wife called. He said, "Hey, say hi to my wife," and held the phone up to me. I heard her say, "I love you, honey. Have fun with the strippers!" When I did this guy's party about a year ago, he came into XTC to meet me with one of his friends, and he had put me on the phone with his (then) fiancee--she'd helped with the stripper search at that time.

We didn't get around to any of the party games or anything; the guys just wanted dances, so we danced for them for about 80 minutes, and then got out of there. Divine had been working at XTC last night and was planning to go back in for a couple of hours. I was definitely done for the night, which is too bad, since a friend of mine was celebrating his birthday at the Yellow Rose and I wish I'd been energetic enough to attend.

Well, it looks like Cincinnati rather than Portland is going to be the next stop for the Wayward household due to a job offer for one of the members of the household. I am moving to a city with one strip club--I will be exploring the surrounding areas and their bachelor party agencies, to be sure, as that one club is a Deja Vu and I would have to make a lot of money to make me cool with handing over a third of my earnings right off the bat. Ohio readers are encouraged to contact me with their recommendations. Ah, from a city with 50 clubs (Portland) to one. A very different work environment, to be sure. I will also be pursuing some more traditional work, of course, since I'll have my degree and some other professional qualifications, but I still want to dance at least part-time for the time being. I'm not quite ready to quit.

This is funny:

The last fun he'll ever have? Where do you get that idea? My bachelor party was the last case of alcohol poisoning I'll ever have, and that's about it.

I think some of these guys think I take myself much more seriously than I do. I'm well aware that the stripper's presence at a bachelor party is more about comedy than titillation.

You were the worst lap dance ever, actually. But that was primarily because I was ready to vomit from the alcohol--can't blame you entirely for that.

Can't blame me at all for that; I'm the stripper, not the bartender. I have certainly seen some drunk bachelors in my time, but I can only think of a couple who were drunk enough to actually pass out at their parties. And as far as "the best lap dance ever," haven't you people ever heard of advertising? Sheesh. Bachelor parties are about performance and fun; giving a guy's friends a chance to roast him before the big day.

Tell us...do you ever post in your diaries when a bachelor is dissatisfied?

I don't really know if bachelors are dissatisfied, since they generally all act about the same when I'm there. I've never had one protest while I've been there. If that happened I would definitely write about it, it would be hilarious. Maybe they get stripper remorse and then send me funny emails later, but no one's complained to my face.

The doctor today told me I had a virus. You know, I work in a damn bar and never pick up anything there, and then it never fails--at the beginning of school, I always wind up getting sick. More rest was all he could prescribe. I think I might be back into work by Thursday.

Still sick. Yuck. I was hoping I sould be able to go in tomorrow night, but I don't know if I'll feel up to it. I'm going to try to get into the doctors--by the way, my doctor's office is amazing. I highly recommend them.

I was one of the hosts for a friend's bridal shower today. Her family's always been pretty nice to me; but I still think they thought I was a bad influence on her in high school. I don't know that I will be able to be as nice as her if someone gives me a bride and groom Christmas tree ornament. She did, however, also receive this and this, which are much closer to the kinds of things I hope to receive at my bridal shower.

As a matter of fact, I think I'll go work on that Agent Provocateur wish list right now. A girl can wish, can't she?

Damn allergies. I am so miserable this morning. Time to double up on the Flonase.

I haven't been into work all damn week; I have been tired and cranky; and busy neglecting all my other duties. Hopefully I'll be caught up soon and can relax a little. I did have some fun this week going to see the Pontani Sisters; and I got to meet another stripping internet aquaintance last night. I'll be heading to the Go-Go-Robics class at Beerland this afternoon to pick up some new moves.

Tickets are on sale for Burlesque the Vote. We never could find an organization to take our money, so I think we're going to pay the performers a little more then give a silent donation to one of the groups we contacted.

Here's an interesting column about the election-year targeting of strip clubs. Once again, I am thankful that I live in Austin, where clubs remain a non-issue and I have never heard of a raid on a club.

Playmate Charged With Assault in Bar Fight

Too funny.

I'd also like to find someone to help me screenprint panties for the show, too, if any of you are or know screenprinters in Austin.

I hope this weekend is as good as last weekend was. Somebody's birthday is coming up and he deserves something fun. Also, a friend of mine is having her bridal shower soon, and I want to buy her some very white, very sexy bridal lingerie. For myself, I am thinking of having a corset or merrywidow custom made to go with the dress. Maybe even shoes. Custom made, I mean.

Last Monday night was so very busy; I did really well. Though I missed one of the Monday night regulars I like a lot. When he's not there I wonder if he's all right. He's very tall and soft-spoken and wonderful to dance for.

Does anyone know of organizations in Lloyd Doggett's district that specialize in transporting voters to the polls on Election Day? I'm trying to find someone to designate as the benificiary of Burlesque the Vote. We were trying to find a nonpartisan organization, but we'll settle for some Democrats, natch. What, you thought burlesque performers voted Republican? Actually, I bet quite a few of them do, just not us.

Sometimes I have a day, like yesterday, where the words to every song become, in my head, "Twelve more dances, I need twelve more dances. Then I can go home, and eat, and sleep." I sucked it up, made my money in four and a half hours, and left. There was just one customer there who made those words leave my head, a very cool guy who resembles an old friend of mine and who is a joy to dance for. But for the rest of the day I was just on autopilot. "Is that me in the mirror?" I would think. I was just totally disconnected from what I was actually doing. Bad stripper! Pay attention to your patrons!

There was a guy in who had read my diary; apparently I'd mentioned him before because he wanted to worship my feet. I told him I remembered him, that I'd turned him down. I said, "You probably didn't offer me enough," joking with him. His response was, "Oh, I don't pay for that, that's a favor." Yeah, to you! It's a favor to me if I want make your dick hard because I'm going to have sex with you; but here, making your dick hard is my job. That means I get paid for doing it. Anyway, he's a funny, pretty nice guy, but I don't think he understands the mechanics of special requests at strip clubs.

Glad I went in yesterday, even though I was really tired from my long week. But they are all going to be long weeks, at least until December, when I will be free to do nothing for at least two months. Ahh, graduation. The light at the end of the tunnel.

I got in really early yesterday, around 11:30 a.m. Usually I come in around 2 p.m. on the day shift since there really isn't a reason to come in before that. Lo and behold, though, one of my readers came in early, too, and I got to meet him. He was wearing the coolest T-shirt that I've ever seen on a strip club patron. We had a really fun conversation and I did a couple of dances for him. It was a great way to start off the day. I ended up being really lucky and getting some good customers yesterday, since it was overall a little quiet, but a good Friday for me.

Last night was a fortieth birthday party I was booked for by the guest's wife. She was so cool, and came down to campus on Tuesday to pay me in advance. I thought that was very trusting of her, if it had been me I would have left the money with one of the party guests, who were in on the surprise. But hey, she hired me, and I always show up.

Since it was a surprise, I wanted to be able to walk right in in my skimpy UT-themed outfit and jump right on the guest of honor, but I can't walk up to the door like that in a nice, quiet residential neighborhood. Well, I guess I could have, but who needs the trouble? So I was covered up when we walked up to the door, where a note said "Entertainment come in. We can't hear the doorbell." I walked in, shucked my clothes in the entryway, and headed back to the kitchen where they were playing poker. He didn't seem terribly surprised, but I think he had fun nonetheless. I mainly just did lapdances for everyone the whole time, and the bodypaint, when one of the guests asked, "Can we write 'John Kerry Sucks' on you?"
"Nope. I'm a registered Democrat. I'm a stripper (and under 40, and making under $250,000 a year, and a woman, and not in favor of a theocracy, etc.), it's against my best interests to vote Republican."
Then he said, "Do you want to be rich or do you want to be poor?"
As if that's the big issue here. I restrained myself, giggling. Whew. Don't get me wrong, I love Republicans because they hire me and buy dances (though Democrats are better tippers, go figure).

The guys were really complimentary. It was quite possibly the easiest party I've ever done. I was starving afterwards so it was off to Ruby's for delicious meat.

I'm trying to get myself geared up to head into work today; I have a party tonight at 8:30. It's a birthday party and I was hired by the birthday boy's wife, a very cool woman. This is the kind of thing I'd like to envision myself doing when I help my fella celebrate his 40th. Though for his 32nd, I sent over a masseuse to his house and for a moment, he wasn't sure if she was legit or a hooker because I'd joked about getting him a girl for his birthday.

I really am so very relieved to have a venue for Burlesque the Vote. It's going to be a terrific show; I have some top-notch performers lined up this time around.

Today I think I'll wear stockings again. I wore a really sexy pair on Monday and felt lovely all night. I used to wear thigh highs at work all of the time, but I haven't worn them in a while. Naked looks so nice when you add a pair of stockings.

I have a venue for the show! I'm so excited and relieved. And it's an awesome venue, too. So put it in your calendars, folks:

Sunday, October 3rd
Emo's
Burlesque for Peace: Burlesque the Vote!

I'm really stressed out about finding a venue for Burlesque the Vote. Gatsby's won't go for it; the owner cited concerns over what we do on stage possibly hurting his chances of getting a liquor license. This really sucks, since what we do is definitely tamer than what goes on in most strip clubs. So in desparation last night I stopped by Texas Ladies to see if they might be interested. The owner over there, Jim, was very nice, talked to me for a while, and told me to bring him a written proposal outlining our show and venue requirements. God, this is so much more difficult than just writing a check to the Vortex, which is what I did for Girl on Girl on Girl Burlesque. But they can only accomodate 100 people, and we need room for about three times that.